Walls

There are some days that I question the state of humanity. After much thought, I decided that humanity is stupid. I have never been a person who has been timid when it comes to confronting people. I realize that some people are timid, but do they think about how that is will hurt their future?

I will admit it, I'm a Glee fan. For several reasons but one of the main ones is because I can relate to them. Being a musical geek, and a classical geek on top of that, isn't exactly the thing to do to be popular. But, I've never really had a problem with not being in the popular group. Most of those people have to many issues to fathom. I have always been a person that can express my feelings better in music, or in the music I choose to listen to. I do not know a person that hates music. It's a part of everyones life and it's something that can't be blocked out. Seriously, is it easier to block out a poem or a song? Song's get stuck in your head easily. Please bear with me here, I am going to quote a Glee song - Pretending:

Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath it
Tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending
Or will we forever only be pretending
We will always be pretending

I think that sums up a lot of humanity. I don't get the point of holding in our feelings. Being a man, I get why some guys do in particularly, but come on. Those who love you will understand why you are speaking up. Those who mock you are ones that you don't need in your life. Why must people put up walls? Doing that hurts you. Not to mention those around you are severely affected as well. The longer you keep that wall up the harder it will be to tear down. You may say that you will never tear down that wall. But do you realize that you are saying you will never be the real you again? Is being the real you, that awful?

Many of you know that I struggled seriously with depression. For so long I kept it a secret. For so long I tried dealing with it on my own. Often the result of those things was an attempt at taking my life. Looking back at those years I understand why I kept it a secret. Yet now, being on the other side of the battle, I see that I could have gotten better much quicker. But, much like what we all battle with, the thoughts of "will someone really understand?" quickly creep into our heads. Truth of the matter is, that is a logical question. But along with that question, I believe there are two more prudent question's that must also be asked, "Am I willing to let someone help me." and "Do I really want help?".

As someone who wants to counsel the rest of my life those two question's will be pushing against me the whole time. Those who don't want to be helped can't be helped. That is a sad reality. That fact just stumps me. Why would someone not want to be helped? I feel like a hypocrite now though. Amidst my struggle, I didn't want help. I wanted to wallow in my issues. So, hindsight I see the help that was there all along, but during my struggle it was hard to see.

It is so easy to put up walls and build them high enough that you can't see over them. Even if you try, seeing what is beyond them is impossible. The longer you wait the more the outside darkens. Hope begins to diminish in your eyes and the reality of ever getting over that issue starts to wither away as well. You begin to rationalize being sad everyday; feeling hurt everyday. You mind will find a way to make things look better than they really are. It takes someone to give you a hand or boost to look over the walls and see the help that is waiting on the other side.

I don't know how many times while talking with people they jump to why they can rationalize their mood as apposed to what their mood really is. Does that make sense? They point why their day is awful, or someone has mistreated them, long before they get to really how they are doing. They are trying to get you to see how they are justifying being in the mood that they are in. In attempts to get you to see things the way that they do, not how things really are. I'm sure if you look back on conversations that you have had with people, you will see that pattern. Trust me, it will become more obvious over time.

Getting people to see that pattern is difficult. Working against the mind and thought pattern of a struggling person is very hard. I don't want to sound twisted here, but that is what I enjoy the most in counseling people. Figuring out how they think, why they choose the words that they do; why they don't choose certain words, and work on deriving at the core issue. Getting people to see why they think the way that they do. In what instances they say what they say and so on. I am a firm believer in lovingly trapping someone in their own words. Only then will their mind see it's error. You have to be able to get someone down to a core issue that they can't rationalize, or that they have never thought about, before you can really get into their mind and begin to help them. But while doing that yet we go back to the most difficult issue, someone not wanting to be helped.

What should one do if the person they care about doesn't want to be helped? Try helping them. Give it your best shot. If at the end of that period they still don't want to change or be helped, lovingly walk away. Please understand they we aren't helping someone with a broken leg or a physical problem, we are dealing with the mind and heart. Two of the most vital parts in a person. Also, two of the most strong parts of a person. It's hard to break the habits of both the heart and mind. It may take years for someone to realize their errors. Please understand that if you choose to walk away from a situation in a person's life you have the obligation to be ready to help them if they come to you ready to help. Failing to do so will put you right into their shoes - not wanting help for the hurt that they have caused you.

I also want to talk to those who may have previous hurt that is plaguing your life. I want to tell you that there are people out there that care. People that want to see you get better. Believe or not, they do understand. While you have been going through this battle, they have been watching you and trying to understand you. Please understand that you might not be able to see the true cause of your hurt. Those walls you have subconsciously put up have blinded you from what life was like before they were being built. It is also possible that the issue of your hurt is something completely off the wall or something that you have thought you could never struggle with. That reason right there is the reason I chose to be a counselor. Sometimes it's impossible to see what is causing your pain and hurt and that is why there are people put in your life to help you with that.

So, when someone comes up to you and ask you if you are struggling or hurting, tell them. Most likely they already know that you are struggling with things and they are just trying to get you to see that you are - because they care and love you. My whole point of this blog was to say this: Putting up walls only hurts you more. So take the hand of someone and begin to tear them down. It's worth it.