Walls

There are some days that I question the state of humanity. After much thought, I decided that humanity is stupid. I have never been a person who has been timid when it comes to confronting people. I realize that some people are timid, but do they think about how that is will hurt their future?

I will admit it, I'm a Glee fan. For several reasons but one of the main ones is because I can relate to them. Being a musical geek, and a classical geek on top of that, isn't exactly the thing to do to be popular. But, I've never really had a problem with not being in the popular group. Most of those people have to many issues to fathom. I have always been a person that can express my feelings better in music, or in the music I choose to listen to. I do not know a person that hates music. It's a part of everyones life and it's something that can't be blocked out. Seriously, is it easier to block out a poem or a song? Song's get stuck in your head easily. Please bear with me here, I am going to quote a Glee song - Pretending:

Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath it
Tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending
Or will we forever only be pretending
We will always be pretending

I think that sums up a lot of humanity. I don't get the point of holding in our feelings. Being a man, I get why some guys do in particularly, but come on. Those who love you will understand why you are speaking up. Those who mock you are ones that you don't need in your life. Why must people put up walls? Doing that hurts you. Not to mention those around you are severely affected as well. The longer you keep that wall up the harder it will be to tear down. You may say that you will never tear down that wall. But do you realize that you are saying you will never be the real you again? Is being the real you, that awful?

Many of you know that I struggled seriously with depression. For so long I kept it a secret. For so long I tried dealing with it on my own. Often the result of those things was an attempt at taking my life. Looking back at those years I understand why I kept it a secret. Yet now, being on the other side of the battle, I see that I could have gotten better much quicker. But, much like what we all battle with, the thoughts of "will someone really understand?" quickly creep into our heads. Truth of the matter is, that is a logical question. But along with that question, I believe there are two more prudent question's that must also be asked, "Am I willing to let someone help me." and "Do I really want help?".

As someone who wants to counsel the rest of my life those two question's will be pushing against me the whole time. Those who don't want to be helped can't be helped. That is a sad reality. That fact just stumps me. Why would someone not want to be helped? I feel like a hypocrite now though. Amidst my struggle, I didn't want help. I wanted to wallow in my issues. So, hindsight I see the help that was there all along, but during my struggle it was hard to see.

It is so easy to put up walls and build them high enough that you can't see over them. Even if you try, seeing what is beyond them is impossible. The longer you wait the more the outside darkens. Hope begins to diminish in your eyes and the reality of ever getting over that issue starts to wither away as well. You begin to rationalize being sad everyday; feeling hurt everyday. You mind will find a way to make things look better than they really are. It takes someone to give you a hand or boost to look over the walls and see the help that is waiting on the other side.

I don't know how many times while talking with people they jump to why they can rationalize their mood as apposed to what their mood really is. Does that make sense? They point why their day is awful, or someone has mistreated them, long before they get to really how they are doing. They are trying to get you to see how they are justifying being in the mood that they are in. In attempts to get you to see things the way that they do, not how things really are. I'm sure if you look back on conversations that you have had with people, you will see that pattern. Trust me, it will become more obvious over time.

Getting people to see that pattern is difficult. Working against the mind and thought pattern of a struggling person is very hard. I don't want to sound twisted here, but that is what I enjoy the most in counseling people. Figuring out how they think, why they choose the words that they do; why they don't choose certain words, and work on deriving at the core issue. Getting people to see why they think the way that they do. In what instances they say what they say and so on. I am a firm believer in lovingly trapping someone in their own words. Only then will their mind see it's error. You have to be able to get someone down to a core issue that they can't rationalize, or that they have never thought about, before you can really get into their mind and begin to help them. But while doing that yet we go back to the most difficult issue, someone not wanting to be helped.

What should one do if the person they care about doesn't want to be helped? Try helping them. Give it your best shot. If at the end of that period they still don't want to change or be helped, lovingly walk away. Please understand they we aren't helping someone with a broken leg or a physical problem, we are dealing with the mind and heart. Two of the most vital parts in a person. Also, two of the most strong parts of a person. It's hard to break the habits of both the heart and mind. It may take years for someone to realize their errors. Please understand that if you choose to walk away from a situation in a person's life you have the obligation to be ready to help them if they come to you ready to help. Failing to do so will put you right into their shoes - not wanting help for the hurt that they have caused you.

I also want to talk to those who may have previous hurt that is plaguing your life. I want to tell you that there are people out there that care. People that want to see you get better. Believe or not, they do understand. While you have been going through this battle, they have been watching you and trying to understand you. Please understand that you might not be able to see the true cause of your hurt. Those walls you have subconsciously put up have blinded you from what life was like before they were being built. It is also possible that the issue of your hurt is something completely off the wall or something that you have thought you could never struggle with. That reason right there is the reason I chose to be a counselor. Sometimes it's impossible to see what is causing your pain and hurt and that is why there are people put in your life to help you with that.

So, when someone comes up to you and ask you if you are struggling or hurting, tell them. Most likely they already know that you are struggling with things and they are just trying to get you to see that you are - because they care and love you. My whole point of this blog was to say this: Putting up walls only hurts you more. So take the hand of someone and begin to tear them down. It's worth it.

There is no such thing as problems, only a chance to respond correctly -

Something has been on my mind for a while now and today I felt the itch to blog about it. Whether you are Christian, religious in some way, or an atheist, I believe you can all can take something from this. My main topic will be along the lines of this, "Life is not as much about what you do, as it is how you handle different situations". Think about it. There are only a couple of things in life that you can change, the things that you physically do, and the way you react to situations. But much of life, does not consist of the first thing. Life however, is affected more with the later, how you react to things. Now, I understand that I have not mastered this subject, but I do feel like I can voice my opinion on this. I do hope that you take it just as that, an opinion. So let's dig in deeper.

I used to work with a dear friend of whom, I truly believed, lived more for how he reacted to situations than he did what he would say or physically do in those situations. I do not think he understands how much of an impression that made on me. He always had a smile on his face that you could tell was just waiting to brighten up your day. I do not remember how many times I went into work, feeling down and frustrated, and when I talked with him my day got instantly better. He constantly reminded me that what I was dealing with was just life. It is nothing to fret about. I did not want to believe him at the beginning because I felt deserved better than what I was going through. But, after time I began to see it his way.

I understand that not everyone I know is a Christian so what I am about to say might not make sense, but I am going to say it anyways. I do not believe that there are problems in our lives only failures to accept the life God has ordained for our life. In a nutshell, it's a pride problem. Now the word 'problem(s)' has many different meanings in our world today so I will try and define what I mean. Problem: when we think something or someone should have gone or done something different that we planned. I believe we would call that a problem. I will use a personal experience to hopefully try to make what I just said a little clearer. Most everyone who knows me, knows that I love Converse shoes. I own about 20+ pair and there isn't a day that passes where I do not wear a pair of them. I had a little extra cash in my budget this past month and I felt like spending that money on a new pair of Chuck Taylor shoes. So while I was in the mall, I decided to head to the shoe store to see if they had a pair that I wanted. My geekiness kicked in the moment I stepped foot in that store. They had some Green Lantern chucks and I wanted them. I asked the clerk to see if they had a pair in size 11. Of course, they didn't. I was bummed to say the least. I am sure that not many of you can associate with my freak addiction to Converse shoes, but I am sure that we all have had a situation like that. Many of use would view that as a problem. So of you all may get upset and become grumpy because of a situation like that.

Let me make something clear here, there is nothing in our life that is not ordained by God. Whether or not you choose to believe in Him, in my mind, does not change the fact that He does exist and does ordain your life. To go back to what I said earlier the only reason that something may seem like it is not going our way is because we believe that we deserve something different. That's prideful. Proverbs 13:10 "By pride cometh only contention; But with the well-advised is wisdom" (ASV). The moment we believe something should be different than what is it, we sin. You may say Nathan, that is awfully harsh. That is because we have become so immune and numb to the issue of pride. There is not one good thing that can come from pride. Let's continue to dig deeper here.

I have worked in a customer service related job for six years now. I have learned many things during my time there. One of which is how utterly prideful people are. It never ceases to amaze me how many people will drive back to the store, typically frustrated and ready to share a piece of their mind with me, over the lack of a $0.39 discount or coupon. Maybe it is just me, but that boggles my mind. Sure, I can understand that need to get the $0.39 discount, but the frustrated part does not make sense to me. Why is that discount worth getting frustrated over? Because people think that they are worth and deserve that discount. They believe that they are entitled to that discount. They believe that they have the right to get mad at someone because of the failure to give them that discount. Pride is something that we have become all to accustom to being ok with. The littlest thing nowadays sets people off. Maybe something at work changes and you have to tend to a job a little later than you were planning, does that give you the right to get mad? No. Maybe someone says something to you, or maybe who they are upsets you, and you get mad at them. Do you have the right to do so? No. There is no reason to get upset over things that we cannot control. But yet, some people think they have the right to do so and after doing that very thing day after day, they do it habitually.

There is an easy answer as to why people are prideful. We do not have a big enough view of Who God is. Poof, there you go. At least within the Christian realm we have to understand something, the only reason we sin is because we choose to sin. God does not make us sin. Satan does not make us sin. We choose to sin. We choose to not trust in the plan for our life that God has ordained eternity past. We choose to believe that something should have happened differently. We choose to believe that life should be different that what it is. Any thought in our minds that is in any shape or form contrary to fully trusting in the sovereign will of God is sin, and of our doing. Not His. His way is perfect. You may say to me, His way is hard. But, I would ask you, what is hard? Life is life. In actuality there are no hard times. It is all good and perfect because God ordained it. But, within our selfish, prideful, and sinful minds and hearts we have begun to believe that there are hard times and problems or flaws with the life that God has ordained for us. That simply is not the case, sorry.

The problem of pride has bled into our Christian life all to quickly. We think, that because we are saved and supposedly living our life for God, that it should be easy or at least easier than a worldly life. That is a slippery slope to begin going down. Sure, it may seem peachy and perfect from the top but as we begin to go down it we see what lies for us down at the bottom. Destruction.

After standing back and watching for some time, I believe that there are several reasons that this issue of pride has come to be within the church. To many times there are pastors, teachers, and authors, that preach the Christian life as easy. "We have God on our side, what could possibly go wrong?" The truth is, nothing could go wrong, but there are times that are difficult. Please, I urge you, don't confuse difficult for problematic. There is a difference. Sure, the Christian life is hard. It is full of ups and downs, confusion, hurt from others, and so on. But that does not mean there is a problem with the Christian life. Just look at Christ's life. Sure He had hard times, times where His faith was tested, but He still succeeded; He still believed. Not because of His Godly-Power, but because He chose to have faith in His Father that His way was perfect. The second reason I believe that we can possibly think that there are problems within the church is because we look at the world. It looks so relaxed and fun. If chaotic, hopeless, and deadly, are what you call relaxed and fun than there are others issues that need to be sorted through.

The last reason why I believe that pride has slipped into the church is a big one. It is the lack of the Gospel being preached in church and christian's lackadaisical approach to studying scripture for themselves. I am confident that if we preach what scripture truly says in church, our world would be rocked. I do not know how many times I have talked with backslidden Christians who have gotten mad at God and church over issues that either are not preached on in church, or that they are to lazy to search out themselves. They think that their life is to hard, that God certainly does not have the right to allow them to go through what they are going through, or that Scripture does not reference the hard time that they are experiencing. That simply is not true. What they do not see at the time is that they do not want to be proven wrong. They want to be mad. They have chosen to let pride dictate everything in their life, whether or not they see that as being the cause. It is so easy to do, I understand that, but that is not a justification for being prideful and doubting God's path for you.

The problem of pride is typically fixed in two ways. First off, the mind. The prideful thoughts that immediately jump into our heads is because of a thought process that we allow ourselves to go down. Now, it may have happened so much in the past that we do not see it happening. However, I am sure that if you ask someone to point out when they think you are going down that road they will be able to spot it. You might be surprised how often it happens. Secondly, the fix is as mentioned above - get a bigger picture of Who God is.

It is inevitable that as people on this earth as well as Christians, we will encounter hard times in our life. Almost everyday we are faced with a opportunity to respond to someone or something correctly. After all, we aren't just dolls doing things that we can't control. Our reactions to situations are controllable. They are our job to make sure that they are reacted to properly.

I realize that I have taken many different roads throughout this post, but if there are three things that I can get across, these would be it. One, you cannot blame your mood or how your day goes on anyone but yourself. You control how you respond to people, you control your mood. No one else. Secondly, when someone treats you unfairly take a step back and understand that this is what God has ordained for you. Therefore, the situation is not bad, it is perfect. Thirdly and lastly, God love and grace for you are everlasting. Sure, I understand that we will fail this topic during our lifetime. We might fail it everyday, but God's grace is there to forgive you each time. He does not expect us to be perfect. He is acquainted with the troubles that we face. All He asks is that we rest in Him and seek Him daily. Once we begin to do that, our so called problems begin to dwindle away.