So He Opened Not His Mouth

When I woke up this morning the Lord laid on my heart Isaiah 53. Indeed an amazing passage of scripture and one that should be read before Sunday morning worship. As I began to read I saw new things. Things that made sense while being combined with my learning over the past couple of months. Let me explain.

Isaiah 53 is a power passage where we are painted a picture of the crucifixion day of Jesus. Isaiah writes the passage in a way that we feel as if we are standing right there, at the foot of the cross. We have no wiggle room. The passage is as uncomfortable as it should be and ought to sober us each time. After all, like many of you, I have read the passage from a vantage point of salvation. It is in this passage that we see what our Lord endured so that through His death we might receive life. But something new popped out at me this morning. Jesus's attitude throughout this ordeal.

In verse 7 we read - "He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth." Upon reading that verse I stopped. "So He opened not His mouth." - Jesus never fought the idea of His death. But then I thought, what about the prayer in Gethsemane?

Jesus knew what His next day would look like and feel like. He knew all, after all He was God. But still He sought Father's will in prayer. Here in the prayer that Jesus prays we have the perfect representation of how we ought to bring our struggles before the Father. Verse 39 of Matthew 26 reads "And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will."" In praying this Jesus is laying His hearts hesitations before the Father. We must understand that within prayer, pouring our heart's struggles and worries before God is not a bad thing. That process is clear here within Jesus's prayer. But notice He does not stop there. He says, not as I will, but as You will. That, is the game changer. Jesus does not stop after laying His hearts worries before the Father. He forces Himself to see the bigger picture. His life's mission was the will of the Father, whatever that may be. So Jesus sought that will continually.

So, in Isaiah 53 we see several things. Jesus's agonizing death in which we were brought atonement, but we also see how to handle situations. I know I have written a lot on this already - but we struggle with difficult things daily. So, with all that being said - this is what I learned while reading today....

We must bring our hearts worries and struggles before the Father in prayer - while bearing His will in mind. We must remain respectful of that. But also remember, He is our Father - He wants us to come to Him broken and lost so that He can fix and guide us. Also, this morning I was humbled. Nothing in my life has been as trying as what Jesus went through during His death. I have not been rejected by my friends and family, and then accused and sentenced to death for things I did not do. Jesus was. He was cruelly beaten and murdered and yet - He was silent. He saw the bigger picture. Can I say during my struggles that I am silent? Can I say that I have sought the will of the Father, He showed me His will, and while I am doing it I am completely at peace about it?

Jesus was called a Lamb in Isaiah, an innocent Lamb, that while being lead to the slaughter, was silent. There must come a time during a struggle, after we have poured our hearts out before the Father, that we become as a lamb guided by the Shepherd. A lamb who is quiet and trusting in its shepherds wisdom and overall knowledge of its need and care. A lamb who simply follows, trustingly. It is not until then that we are lead to a place of peace, protection, and rest.

My Anxiousness or God's Glory

 Anxiousness: Experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome

This topic of anxiousness has been an interesting one for me to unpack over these past couple of weeks. Seemingly in my readings it has been a reoccurring theme. I have never been one to be horribly nervous about a particular situation, but there have been times when I have not leaned on God like I should and that thought has been a rebuke to me. The book I have started to read is a simple walk through of the 23rd Psalm. It is probably one of the most well known passages of Scripture and the author of that book, Tony Evans, is clear to point out that there is not a single problem in life that the 23rd Psalm does not cover. It is relevant to all because we ought to handle every situation the same. Lets focus our attention on a big issue, anxiousness, and see how Psalm 23 can help us with it. 

Scripture is very clear about the problem of anxiousness. Jesus, is very clear in His teaching about anxiousness. What does He say? Simple, in Matthew 6:25 Jesus is speaking and says, "Do not be anxious about your life..." Seems pretty clean cut to me, right? He doesn't suggest that we not be anxious. He states, do not be anxious. He then lists a few things that people are worried about in life. Food, drink, and clothes. I am pretty sure we would all agree those things are pretty important. Yet, He says in all of these things, do not be anxious. Thankfully, having lived in a country were food is easy to come by; I've never really had to worry about it. The same applies for water and clothes. But, as the passage continues Jesus reminds us that the birds do not worry about the food for tomorrow. As He does often in His teachings, He relates big issues to smaller concepts in hopes that we can better understand them. 

Jesus convicts those listening, and now us reading, in saying that even birds do not worry about tomorrow. They simply go about the days activities just doing what needs to be done. In some ways not having a concept of tomorrow, such as birds, would nice. But, God did give us a concept of tomorrow. But along with that, He gave us a concept about Him and what He has to offer that is greater than tomorrow. But we will get to that later.

Jesus comforts us after convicting us with the analogy about birds in saying, “Are you not of more value than they?” The lilies of the field, the birds, the animals, everything non-human will die here on this earth – even the earth itself will burn. Yet, God still cares and provides everything needed. He states right here in this passage that we mean more to Him than all of these things! Yet still, we doubt, we worry, we're anxious. 

So why then do we worry? Why are we anxious? Pride. Yes, our old never dying foe – pride. Mahaney puts it this way:“Where there's worry, where there's anxiousness, pride is at the root of it. When I am experiencing anxiety, the root issue is that I'm trying to be self-sufficient. I'm acting independent of God.” You may say Nathan, how is me being in the “depths of despair”, as Anne of Green Gables would say it, an issue of pride? Mahaney addresses that – anxiety comes from trying to be self-sufficient, and being self-sufficient is being prideful. God has designed us in that we do not need just a little bit of Him but all of Him. Anything less than that is hard, stressful, and will cause anxiousness. 

 

So we know how prideful we can be as humans. We know how weak we are and how strong our God is to provide for us. (And how He wants to do so!) But I think we should stop and think about Psalm 23 once again especially verse 1, while thinking about anxiousness and pride: “The Lord is my Shepard; I shall not want.” Once again, Scripture is clear here, through David's writings, I shall not want. I tend to think of this as the imperative statement – I will not want. Why? David answers that, the Lord is my Shepard. That is the key to all of this! Jesus must be our Shepherd. We must realize our place in the relationship. We cannot see what tomorrow will hold, but our Shepherd can. We cannot deal with the elements of the world we live in, but our Shepherd can. And there will be times when we cannot feed ourselves, but our Shepherd can! If He is not our Shepard, if He is not guiding us: we will want. We will search for things to fill the void that only He can fill. When we are self-sufficient, we will want.

 

God, as any good Shepherd does, realizes that we will stray and search for our own way. So what does He do? David answers that within the same verse: “He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me by still waters.” God makes us lie down. He takes us to a point where we can do nothing but crumble and then He makes us lie down. Let's face it, who wants to lie down? (be humbled) Remember, we're sheep – we're stupid. So God, as our good shepherd, takes our lives into His hands and makes us obey. He makes us do what we should have done all along when trials arise – rest within His care. He knows He is what we need. We don't need Xanax, we don't need alcohol. We don't our friends or even family. We need Jesus. Are we quiet enough to realize that?

After God makes us lie down in green pastures, David says, and he chooses his words carefully, “He restores my soul...for His name sake”! Once again there is the big picture – God > me. This whole process is God's doing because He knows that from it He will be glorified. 

So that takes me to my final thought – is how you are handling a situation glorifying God or taking from His glory? How can you tell them apart within your own life? Simple, really. Who are you running to first? We all know God is a jealous God. How He works all His ways around that perfectly and without sin, I haven't the foggiest. But He does. God wants to give us the peace, and ultimately victory in a situation so that He receives the glory. Do we see each trial and difficulty that way? Or do we strive to fix the situation so we are not harmed or hurt? Are we spiritually mature enough to see that in our despair God can be glorified? 

There are a lot of questions that have been asked here. But I truly believe you must take a step back during a hard situation, and one will arise, and ask God for the mind set that would allow Him to receive the most glory. Oh how that would change our perspective! It can be applied to every situation: school, work, relationships, families, even strangers that you meet during the day. In everything God ought to receive the glory. However if we are anxious about the situation we have taken our vantage point off of God and placed it onto ourselves. That must be changed. When you begin to see that God is in all things, and all things are because of Him, your perspective changes. And that is such a beautiful thing. 

I encourage you all to do a study, or take some time to look up what a shepherd does. Think of yourself as sheep, and look that up as well, and God as your shepherd - your day to day life will change. I promise.

Oh to Dwell and Never Leave!

A blog entry I started while waiting to leave the airport and finished today. So if my grammar 'tenses' change, that is why.

Well, here I am sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to leave to go back home. I have many mixed feelings, none of which are regrets. Just sad at times and excited at others. These last four days have shown me many things. Things I need to work on and things that for so long I've doubted. Some of which are personal but mostly spiritually.

The underlying theme of the last several weeks, well about a month, has been how amazing my God is. To say He cares, is great! To say He provides for His children is a great thing as well. But, to ask of Him things that only He can do, and have those things answered, was just mind blowing to me. Matthew 7:7 says “Ask, and it shall be given to you...”, now I've known this verse for years, almost my entire life, but to ask and have it given to you time after time was so encouraging this week; so humbling.

My plans for coming up to Wisconsin came together extremely quickly – within a matter of a few days. Funds weren't in big amounts but it happened that I received a large amount back from taxes. Rooms that were needed for staying up here, were available. A rental car was very affordable and time to spend together with people up here, opened up. The weather was beautiful as were the people I visited. All the little things seemed to fit together.

God is a big God. He can do all things yet for some reason I never trusted Him for the little things. “How foolish am I for not trusting Him for the little things!”... was my thought on the drive to the airport this morning. He wants to provide; He wants my heart to ask Him. I've called Jesus, Father, as I'm sure many of you have, but I think I had yet to claim Him as such. The word Father has several meanings, one of which reached out to me: Father – one who adopts a child. Yup that is me. A forsaken child in need of a guide and Jesus adopted me. I'm just being honest here. Now before you think I'm going all wonky here let me explain.

Jesus knows that in life He is what I need. I have begun to accept that this week and allowed that to change my life. The week came full circle, in a sense, this morning on my drive when a song came across my iPhone called At Your Feet by Casting Crowns:

Here at Your feet I lay this day down
Not in my strength but in Yours I've found
All I need, You're all I need

Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
Oh, to dwell and never leave
Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
There is nowhere else for me

The song hit me hard in the car but nearly as hard as it hit while on the plane. I was reading Humility, during the flight, while listening to this song. I came across the part of the book about Spiritual Disciplines. Things that we can do to overcome pride and “grow” humility. Little did I know that the next passage would have such an impact on me. Mahaney writes:

“Cast your cares upon Him. The apostle Peter clearly and practically describes for us how we can humble ourselves daily in 1 Peter 5:6-7. First he writes, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God.” Then he (Peter) shows us how: “casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” When we humble ourselves each morning by casting all our cares on the Lord, we will start the day free of care. The humble are genuinely care free.”

That paragraph broke my heart. The practice of me “casting my cares upon the Lord” is not necessarily so He can bare them for me, but so I realize where my strength and guidance is truly coming from. If we cast our cares on the Lord, out of a hope that He will bare them for us, we immediately put ourselves above Him in a manner of thought. We say “We should not have to bear this, but He should. Hey He's God, right?” Sure, that's a blunt statement. But I would imagine that most of us have thought that at some point. I know I have.

So, with that thought in mind I go back to the song lyrics that I posted above. The daily discipline of laying down our day, our hopes for the day, our future dreams, at the feet of Jesus, we don't lose things. We gain peace! I've never understood why someone would want to fret about the day – yet Jesus knows that anxiety is very prevalent. Anxiety, writes Mahaney, the root issue is that one is trying to be self-sufficient; acting independent of God. That pretty well sums it up if you ask me. When we rely on anything, or anyone, but Jesus, we experience anxiousness. My hearts cry is to dwell at the feet of Jesus and never leave. I've tried dealing with things on my own and it has failed. I've relied on other people and they have failed. But Jesus has yet to fail me.

This weekend has taught me so much. God asks for all of me. That includes my faith in Him that He will control the little things. Why would I trust God for the big things in life, such as college, a wife, a home, and career, but not for a peaceful day of work and classes. Why do I ask him to heal sick people but not the money to fix my window in my car? Why do I ask Him to save a friend but not help me with my pride.

God wants to provide for me!

I just need to humble myself and with a heart of faith, ask. The girl that I visited while up in Wisconsin had a saying in her kitchen that read: “Faith is not believing that God can but that He will.” What an interesting view on faith. It changes our perspective for sure when we put that saying into practice.

So to sum all of this up I say this, ask God for the little things. Not only will it breed a humble heart but it will be an encouragement to you to see Him working in every area of your life. Also, be in constant communication with Him. Feel yourself becoming burdened at work or class, or just in daily life? Humble yourself and cast it upon the Lord out of faith that He will provide what is best. Because He is good; because He loves you.

He knew and still continued His walk....

I am currently sitting in Watertown, Wisconsin. A smaller town in Wisconsin where there are more cows and 25mph speed limit signs than almost any other place I have been before. You may ask, why am I here? That is a good question however, it is a question for another blog. :)

Yesterday I grabbed a flight from Kansas City to Milwaukee than drove the remaining distance to Watertown. There is not much to do on a flight since for some reason man has still yet to figure out how to make cell phones work at 30,000ft. Baffles me - but I'll move on. So I pulled out my trusty iPad and began to read a book that I started over a year ago and never finished: Humility by CJ Mahaney. Now many of you know that I am not a fan of reading but Mahaney's books have been some of the few that I have finished. He is an amazing author and not afraid to say what needs to be said. His books have seemed different to me. They do not tell me "this is how you must live to be a good Christian!". But rather, "Look to Jesus and let Who He is shape your life." I guess this post is a continuing spur from the previous post about the Character of God but it is so applicable to every area of my life that it has been in my thought's almost continuously.

Mahaney focuses on two things in this book: Jesus and the cross. Honestly - what more should we focus on?

The Cross a place for the lowest of criminals to be slain, back in Roman Empire time. Known for it's excruciating, painful, slow killing process, it was the place where my Lord the sinless man and King of all things, Jesus, died. Mahaney depicts the journey of Jesus, to Calvary, as Jesus leading the way with His disciples following. Now, let's be real here. Imagine you would know that you were going to be deceived and turned into the government, for a crime that you did not commit, by someone who said they cared about you and wished to learn from you, in a certain city. Add on top you would be slain for the every crime and wrong doing of every person who has ever lived and will ever live on this planet, knowing that you have done no wrong. Would you be "leading the pack" of people, one of which would be the deceiver who would turn you over? Would you be gracious and kind to them, or would you coward away and run? This thought blew my mind. Jesus had known from eternity past what those next hours would be like and feel like. He knew exactly how they would unfold and how hard they would be. He knew no one would understand what His pain would be like. He knew His own Father would execute Him for the sins of the world by the people that He Himself created and loves....and yet, Jesus continued His walk toward Calvary. As Mahaney puts it: "Jesus walked; Where? To Calvary. Why? To die."

I feel as if once again, I have taken for granted the cross. I'm pretty sure I freaked the lady out next to me yesterday on the plane when I teared up. Thank goodness for the complimentary cookie on the flight, or else I would not have had a napkin to shyishly wipe away the few tears. But I digress. Jesus did not go into His death unknowingly. He knew all, yet He chose to allow it to happen. Because He loves me. He did not chose the easy way out. He did not chose an easy death. He endured ALL of the wrath of sin that His Father would inflict for all sins in a matter of a few hours.

CJ's point in bringing up the cross in this book is twofold. Number one - because as redeemed Christians, the cross changed us. It made us new. It completed us. The death that happened there brought us life and forever in all time that will continue to change us. Always for the better I must add. It was there that we found our Savior and Lord. It was there that I found my Best Friend for times of joy, and a Comfort in times of difficulty. I am forever indebted to the one that paid a debt that was not His to pay.

Secondly, and lastly, at the Cross we see the ultimate example of Someone being a servant. Someone who was completely humble. Once again I go back to my previous blog post, Jesus is the perfect example of everything. Jesus was the ultimate example of humility. He needs only Himself to show us how we ought to be in life in all areas. That cool isn't? Sometimes we need music to express our mood or actions in a relationship to prove our love toward someone. But Jesus doesn't. All He needs is Himself and all we have to do is look with an open heart and mind. He will show us.

I highly recommend this book. It's pretty cheap and an amazing read. Probably one you will read over and over again. The idea is simple: Jesus and the Cross, the depth of those topics are for a lifetimes journey of finding out!

The Battle of Changing

I can say nothing but, "Wow!" at the past month. I have been given so much. A new someone very special to me. An encourager; someone to make me laugh. Someone to challenge me, and someone to help me grow both emotionally and spiritually. She has inadvertently caused me to grow up and think why I do the things I do. It has been such a blessing and I cannot praise God enough for allowing our paths to cross. Along with her has come me going back to school.

Wow, what a challenge that has been. My mind has been stretched that is for sure. I am taking four classes. The two that have been the biggest challenge to me are Psychology and Philosophy. Going into Philosophy I thought I had all the answers, and I guess if I think about it I do. I have scripture, but the problem lies when someone does not want to listen. That has been a rough one to tackle. I guess it has been a slap in the face to the manner of "Is this what God feels like when we do something stupid and He says, I know, I could have stopped that only if you would have listened?". Whoa. That made me take a step back. The Philosophy class has brought up many tough topics. Where did this universe come from? Is Jesus, God? Why is there suffering if God really loves us? All ridiculously hard questions to answer. I get that. But it has pushed my faith - in a good way.

That fact that I have been learning the most about is God never changes. In any manner, God stays the same. He loves and He is gracious. He knows all and He promises to enlighten us to the needed steps for our journey. He is transparent to those who seek. He gave Himself for us yet hates and despises sin. He is so many things, and different in so many ways as well, but yet He stays the same. Sure, it sounds elementary in the Christian faith. I'm sure most Christians have come to realize this and accept it, but have we allowed it to shape us? Do we let that change us, daily? This topic is still unpacking in my mind so bear with me as I try and put it into words here. My math teacher always told me that if I couldn't understand a concept with big numbers to try the same concept with smaller numbers. So, before we dive into big life challenges, lets first look at smaller, daily, ones.

We have all had people in our lives that tend to rub us the wrong way. People that seem to get on our nerves. Sure, there are days we just feel like blowing up on them and giving them a piece of our minds. We've all been there and I'm not here to point fingers. I've done it too. I'm not going to just chalk it up to our human nature and write it off as such. That isn't correct either. Many of you know that I believe we choose our reactions and ought to be held accountable for them. So, in my mind at least, you cannot blame your frustrating day on anyone but yourself. But sure, there are times in life that just get us down. I understand that. But the key is, how do we react and who do we look to?

It is my belief that Jesus is the perfect example of how to handle every situation that can arise in this lifetime. He let who God was shape who He was. He allowed what God had for His life shape His actions and reactions to issues. Jesus was all powerful and could do anything He would have wanted to do, still He sought direction from His Father. He humbled Himself and prayed and allowed what God showed of Himself to change His (Jesus) actions. Yet for some reason we hold ourselves to a lower standard. Partly because we fail to see how great our God is and because I truly believe we do not want to be held to that high of a standard. We seem to see Jesus as a person who could obtain an understanding about things we cannot. Could He understand things about God that we cannot? In some ways yes, because of He was God in a form and He knew all things. But, He was still 100% human. Have we forgotten that or do we choose to forget that? That thought changes many things in my mind.

Because of the way Jesus lived His life as a human, we see both problems and victories handled correctly. We see what it takes to overcome a difficult time. We see a human, and I ought to add the God of the universe, taken through a horrid human life, beaten, broken, and rejected. He was rejected by all. Yes Christian's, He was beaten, broken, and rejected by those who claimed to love Him and know Him the best - Believers. (If I really want to get picky I would say He was beaten, broken, and rejected by us; by you and me, and even more picky, His Father, just read Isaiah 53.) With the life of Jesus being portrayed for us in Scripture, we see how to handle a time when someone we work with, live with, or love, frustrates us. What do we do when they turn their backs on us and falsely accuse us of something we never did? Do we lash out at them and write them off? Did Christ do that when He encountered the same type of situation? No. He quietly pointed the accusers attention back to Himself and His Father. He allowed that to change the hearts of those willing. It should do the same to us today as it takes a knowledge of God and an allowance of that knowledge to change us in that time.

Let us take this another step deeper. We all know that God hates sin. He, in some perfect, fully justifiable manner, despises it and will judge accordingly some day. Yet with the same amount of passion that He has against sin, I believe He loves fixing it. I don't know about you, but as a kid when I did something wrong and got caught the first thought in my mind was not to run to my parents and talk with them. I wanted to get away. I didn't want to be in the same room as them because I knew I had let them down and had wronged them. I am pretty sure if we are honest we do the same thing with Jesus. We run from the only one Who can repair us. The question here then is, why do we run away? It all goes back to the lack of knowledge that we have about God. If we really knew God and allowed Who He is to change us, I believe we would run to Him not away. He loves communion with us. (Is that not apparent by the cross?) And because of that desire to commune with us, He loves restoring us. So then where does the problem lie in a broken relationship with God? On our side.

This is my point. Frustrating things happen. I am not a person who believes that once you are a Christian life is all peachy and easy. That is an ultra false statement. God never promises that. Many people use that fact against the Christian faith. But I use it as a challenge. I remember thinking about all the things that God promises to us when we encounter a difficult time. Grace, love, strength, wisdom, etc. All of those things are Who He is. He doesn't give us those things, He gives us Himself. Why? Ooo. Excellent question. Because God knows He is all we need. He needs nothing other than Himself to prove, in full, that He is perfect and completely sustaining to all of our needs. Would He be all-powerful if He used anything but Himself to provide for our needs? Nope. He gives us Himself in times of need and hardship.

So where does that leave us? At least to me, it leaves me with a challenge. Do I know enough about my God to run to Him at all times. Not out of fear but out of faith. Faith in what I know about Him. He loves me and because He loves me, He will restore me. He died for me because He loves me. He longs to know me. He wants to cleanse me once again and commune with me. If that is the case and I do sin and I run, do I understand that the only thing holding me back from a perfect relationship with God is me? He is always open and gracious towards me. I am the one that shuts the door and locks it. His job is knocking, my job is opening it. I must do the hard work. I must be made the vulnerable one because it isn't until that point that we see how great our God is. God is consistent and that is an amazing thing! But in this realm, the one of sin in our life and hardships, it is a daunting thing. We see that we are the one that must change in order for things to be restored. We must come humbled and broken before an Almighty God to receive forgiveness. There are times that I wish that process of humbling myself was easier. I think we all do. But it is at that moment of being fully humbled that we see still that God has yet to change. He is still just as loving as before. His arms are still open and His love still ever-sustaining. He refines us. It's not the other way around and I'm thankful for that. It's because of that steady fact that I can rest in all other characteristics of God.

So do we have enough knowledge about our God to run to Him at all times and be changed? The good and the bad! But even more so, do we have enough faith to, not ask God to change the situation, but ask God to change us? He knows what is best. He knows that He is best. But do we know and accept that He is best?

Walls

There are some days that I question the state of humanity. After much thought, I decided that humanity is stupid. I have never been a person who has been timid when it comes to confronting people. I realize that some people are timid, but do they think about how that is will hurt their future?

I will admit it, I'm a Glee fan. For several reasons but one of the main ones is because I can relate to them. Being a musical geek, and a classical geek on top of that, isn't exactly the thing to do to be popular. But, I've never really had a problem with not being in the popular group. Most of those people have to many issues to fathom. I have always been a person that can express my feelings better in music, or in the music I choose to listen to. I do not know a person that hates music. It's a part of everyones life and it's something that can't be blocked out. Seriously, is it easier to block out a poem or a song? Song's get stuck in your head easily. Please bear with me here, I am going to quote a Glee song - Pretending:

Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath it
Tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending
Or will we forever only be pretending
We will always be pretending

I think that sums up a lot of humanity. I don't get the point of holding in our feelings. Being a man, I get why some guys do in particularly, but come on. Those who love you will understand why you are speaking up. Those who mock you are ones that you don't need in your life. Why must people put up walls? Doing that hurts you. Not to mention those around you are severely affected as well. The longer you keep that wall up the harder it will be to tear down. You may say that you will never tear down that wall. But do you realize that you are saying you will never be the real you again? Is being the real you, that awful?

Many of you know that I struggled seriously with depression. For so long I kept it a secret. For so long I tried dealing with it on my own. Often the result of those things was an attempt at taking my life. Looking back at those years I understand why I kept it a secret. Yet now, being on the other side of the battle, I see that I could have gotten better much quicker. But, much like what we all battle with, the thoughts of "will someone really understand?" quickly creep into our heads. Truth of the matter is, that is a logical question. But along with that question, I believe there are two more prudent question's that must also be asked, "Am I willing to let someone help me." and "Do I really want help?".

As someone who wants to counsel the rest of my life those two question's will be pushing against me the whole time. Those who don't want to be helped can't be helped. That is a sad reality. That fact just stumps me. Why would someone not want to be helped? I feel like a hypocrite now though. Amidst my struggle, I didn't want help. I wanted to wallow in my issues. So, hindsight I see the help that was there all along, but during my struggle it was hard to see.

It is so easy to put up walls and build them high enough that you can't see over them. Even if you try, seeing what is beyond them is impossible. The longer you wait the more the outside darkens. Hope begins to diminish in your eyes and the reality of ever getting over that issue starts to wither away as well. You begin to rationalize being sad everyday; feeling hurt everyday. You mind will find a way to make things look better than they really are. It takes someone to give you a hand or boost to look over the walls and see the help that is waiting on the other side.

I don't know how many times while talking with people they jump to why they can rationalize their mood as apposed to what their mood really is. Does that make sense? They point why their day is awful, or someone has mistreated them, long before they get to really how they are doing. They are trying to get you to see how they are justifying being in the mood that they are in. In attempts to get you to see things the way that they do, not how things really are. I'm sure if you look back on conversations that you have had with people, you will see that pattern. Trust me, it will become more obvious over time.

Getting people to see that pattern is difficult. Working against the mind and thought pattern of a struggling person is very hard. I don't want to sound twisted here, but that is what I enjoy the most in counseling people. Figuring out how they think, why they choose the words that they do; why they don't choose certain words, and work on deriving at the core issue. Getting people to see why they think the way that they do. In what instances they say what they say and so on. I am a firm believer in lovingly trapping someone in their own words. Only then will their mind see it's error. You have to be able to get someone down to a core issue that they can't rationalize, or that they have never thought about, before you can really get into their mind and begin to help them. But while doing that yet we go back to the most difficult issue, someone not wanting to be helped.

What should one do if the person they care about doesn't want to be helped? Try helping them. Give it your best shot. If at the end of that period they still don't want to change or be helped, lovingly walk away. Please understand they we aren't helping someone with a broken leg or a physical problem, we are dealing with the mind and heart. Two of the most vital parts in a person. Also, two of the most strong parts of a person. It's hard to break the habits of both the heart and mind. It may take years for someone to realize their errors. Please understand that if you choose to walk away from a situation in a person's life you have the obligation to be ready to help them if they come to you ready to help. Failing to do so will put you right into their shoes - not wanting help for the hurt that they have caused you.

I also want to talk to those who may have previous hurt that is plaguing your life. I want to tell you that there are people out there that care. People that want to see you get better. Believe or not, they do understand. While you have been going through this battle, they have been watching you and trying to understand you. Please understand that you might not be able to see the true cause of your hurt. Those walls you have subconsciously put up have blinded you from what life was like before they were being built. It is also possible that the issue of your hurt is something completely off the wall or something that you have thought you could never struggle with. That reason right there is the reason I chose to be a counselor. Sometimes it's impossible to see what is causing your pain and hurt and that is why there are people put in your life to help you with that.

So, when someone comes up to you and ask you if you are struggling or hurting, tell them. Most likely they already know that you are struggling with things and they are just trying to get you to see that you are - because they care and love you. My whole point of this blog was to say this: Putting up walls only hurts you more. So take the hand of someone and begin to tear them down. It's worth it.

There is no such thing as problems, only a chance to respond correctly -

Something has been on my mind for a while now and today I felt the itch to blog about it. Whether you are Christian, religious in some way, or an atheist, I believe you can all can take something from this. My main topic will be along the lines of this, "Life is not as much about what you do, as it is how you handle different situations". Think about it. There are only a couple of things in life that you can change, the things that you physically do, and the way you react to situations. But much of life, does not consist of the first thing. Life however, is affected more with the later, how you react to things. Now, I understand that I have not mastered this subject, but I do feel like I can voice my opinion on this. I do hope that you take it just as that, an opinion. So let's dig in deeper.

I used to work with a dear friend of whom, I truly believed, lived more for how he reacted to situations than he did what he would say or physically do in those situations. I do not think he understands how much of an impression that made on me. He always had a smile on his face that you could tell was just waiting to brighten up your day. I do not remember how many times I went into work, feeling down and frustrated, and when I talked with him my day got instantly better. He constantly reminded me that what I was dealing with was just life. It is nothing to fret about. I did not want to believe him at the beginning because I felt deserved better than what I was going through. But, after time I began to see it his way.

I understand that not everyone I know is a Christian so what I am about to say might not make sense, but I am going to say it anyways. I do not believe that there are problems in our lives only failures to accept the life God has ordained for our life. In a nutshell, it's a pride problem. Now the word 'problem(s)' has many different meanings in our world today so I will try and define what I mean. Problem: when we think something or someone should have gone or done something different that we planned. I believe we would call that a problem. I will use a personal experience to hopefully try to make what I just said a little clearer. Most everyone who knows me, knows that I love Converse shoes. I own about 20+ pair and there isn't a day that passes where I do not wear a pair of them. I had a little extra cash in my budget this past month and I felt like spending that money on a new pair of Chuck Taylor shoes. So while I was in the mall, I decided to head to the shoe store to see if they had a pair that I wanted. My geekiness kicked in the moment I stepped foot in that store. They had some Green Lantern chucks and I wanted them. I asked the clerk to see if they had a pair in size 11. Of course, they didn't. I was bummed to say the least. I am sure that not many of you can associate with my freak addiction to Converse shoes, but I am sure that we all have had a situation like that. Many of use would view that as a problem. So of you all may get upset and become grumpy because of a situation like that.

Let me make something clear here, there is nothing in our life that is not ordained by God. Whether or not you choose to believe in Him, in my mind, does not change the fact that He does exist and does ordain your life. To go back to what I said earlier the only reason that something may seem like it is not going our way is because we believe that we deserve something different. That's prideful. Proverbs 13:10 "By pride cometh only contention; But with the well-advised is wisdom" (ASV). The moment we believe something should be different than what is it, we sin. You may say Nathan, that is awfully harsh. That is because we have become so immune and numb to the issue of pride. There is not one good thing that can come from pride. Let's continue to dig deeper here.

I have worked in a customer service related job for six years now. I have learned many things during my time there. One of which is how utterly prideful people are. It never ceases to amaze me how many people will drive back to the store, typically frustrated and ready to share a piece of their mind with me, over the lack of a $0.39 discount or coupon. Maybe it is just me, but that boggles my mind. Sure, I can understand that need to get the $0.39 discount, but the frustrated part does not make sense to me. Why is that discount worth getting frustrated over? Because people think that they are worth and deserve that discount. They believe that they are entitled to that discount. They believe that they have the right to get mad at someone because of the failure to give them that discount. Pride is something that we have become all to accustom to being ok with. The littlest thing nowadays sets people off. Maybe something at work changes and you have to tend to a job a little later than you were planning, does that give you the right to get mad? No. Maybe someone says something to you, or maybe who they are upsets you, and you get mad at them. Do you have the right to do so? No. There is no reason to get upset over things that we cannot control. But yet, some people think they have the right to do so and after doing that very thing day after day, they do it habitually.

There is an easy answer as to why people are prideful. We do not have a big enough view of Who God is. Poof, there you go. At least within the Christian realm we have to understand something, the only reason we sin is because we choose to sin. God does not make us sin. Satan does not make us sin. We choose to sin. We choose to not trust in the plan for our life that God has ordained eternity past. We choose to believe that something should have happened differently. We choose to believe that life should be different that what it is. Any thought in our minds that is in any shape or form contrary to fully trusting in the sovereign will of God is sin, and of our doing. Not His. His way is perfect. You may say to me, His way is hard. But, I would ask you, what is hard? Life is life. In actuality there are no hard times. It is all good and perfect because God ordained it. But, within our selfish, prideful, and sinful minds and hearts we have begun to believe that there are hard times and problems or flaws with the life that God has ordained for us. That simply is not the case, sorry.

The problem of pride has bled into our Christian life all to quickly. We think, that because we are saved and supposedly living our life for God, that it should be easy or at least easier than a worldly life. That is a slippery slope to begin going down. Sure, it may seem peachy and perfect from the top but as we begin to go down it we see what lies for us down at the bottom. Destruction.

After standing back and watching for some time, I believe that there are several reasons that this issue of pride has come to be within the church. To many times there are pastors, teachers, and authors, that preach the Christian life as easy. "We have God on our side, what could possibly go wrong?" The truth is, nothing could go wrong, but there are times that are difficult. Please, I urge you, don't confuse difficult for problematic. There is a difference. Sure, the Christian life is hard. It is full of ups and downs, confusion, hurt from others, and so on. But that does not mean there is a problem with the Christian life. Just look at Christ's life. Sure He had hard times, times where His faith was tested, but He still succeeded; He still believed. Not because of His Godly-Power, but because He chose to have faith in His Father that His way was perfect. The second reason I believe that we can possibly think that there are problems within the church is because we look at the world. It looks so relaxed and fun. If chaotic, hopeless, and deadly, are what you call relaxed and fun than there are others issues that need to be sorted through.

The last reason why I believe that pride has slipped into the church is a big one. It is the lack of the Gospel being preached in church and christian's lackadaisical approach to studying scripture for themselves. I am confident that if we preach what scripture truly says in church, our world would be rocked. I do not know how many times I have talked with backslidden Christians who have gotten mad at God and church over issues that either are not preached on in church, or that they are to lazy to search out themselves. They think that their life is to hard, that God certainly does not have the right to allow them to go through what they are going through, or that Scripture does not reference the hard time that they are experiencing. That simply is not true. What they do not see at the time is that they do not want to be proven wrong. They want to be mad. They have chosen to let pride dictate everything in their life, whether or not they see that as being the cause. It is so easy to do, I understand that, but that is not a justification for being prideful and doubting God's path for you.

The problem of pride is typically fixed in two ways. First off, the mind. The prideful thoughts that immediately jump into our heads is because of a thought process that we allow ourselves to go down. Now, it may have happened so much in the past that we do not see it happening. However, I am sure that if you ask someone to point out when they think you are going down that road they will be able to spot it. You might be surprised how often it happens. Secondly, the fix is as mentioned above - get a bigger picture of Who God is.

It is inevitable that as people on this earth as well as Christians, we will encounter hard times in our life. Almost everyday we are faced with a opportunity to respond to someone or something correctly. After all, we aren't just dolls doing things that we can't control. Our reactions to situations are controllable. They are our job to make sure that they are reacted to properly.

I realize that I have taken many different roads throughout this post, but if there are three things that I can get across, these would be it. One, you cannot blame your mood or how your day goes on anyone but yourself. You control how you respond to people, you control your mood. No one else. Secondly, when someone treats you unfairly take a step back and understand that this is what God has ordained for you. Therefore, the situation is not bad, it is perfect. Thirdly and lastly, God love and grace for you are everlasting. Sure, I understand that we will fail this topic during our lifetime. We might fail it everyday, but God's grace is there to forgive you each time. He does not expect us to be perfect. He is acquainted with the troubles that we face. All He asks is that we rest in Him and seek Him daily. Once we begin to do that, our so called problems begin to dwindle away.